Feb Newsletter
Hi Team, 2026 already & a while since the last newsletter.
Its great to see ‘the usual suspects’ still on the mats and great to see some new faces who have joined since the last newsletter.
I say usual suspects, but there is one person who seems to have noticeably disappeared. Nobody is quite sure if he has returned to Turkey for some new hair or having treatment for his Luigi moustache that made a brief appearance in Movember. He is famous for his sweat dripping, during rolls and his garlic breath submission if he cannot get anything else. A missing person submission would be made to the police, but no one can remember his name. Only kidding Gary, where are you? we’re all missing you.
Its also great to see Carnot, Bear & Ginger Ninja back on the mats after their health issues and injuries/operations, maybe a brown belt thing, who knows. Ninja was first after being ‘accidently’ kicked in the knee by an 11yr old, when Bill tried a foot sweep on him. Bear was next when he started having heart palpitations after being told the price of nappies for baby bear. After some medication and lots of rest, he recovered, thankfully not having to have surgery to stop & restart his heart. Hearing that news Carnot thought he’d go one better. He turned up at class looking pale & saying he had indigestion. He went to work the next day and decided he should maybe go to hospital, only to find out that he’d actually had a heart attack, yes he actually has a heart according to medical professionals. Beat that Bear he thought to himself just before surgery. Apparently the anaesthetic isn’t as good or as quick as a good collar choke.
In all seriousness lads, great to see you back to normal, as good or bad as normal is to you all.
Tiny & Kels love/hate relationship continues on the Dungeons messenger group with cutting remarks by both, but they’re nowhere near the cutting power of Marks new teeth. They have a mind of their own, not only dazzling everyone in any sunlight we do actually get in Consett or the gym lighting, but he now pronounces words with an S, an F, a T or a P very differently. Don’t ask him to say, ’The sneaky purple‑belt slid into a flawless foot sweep, proving pressure makes perfection’, ‘The slippery shrimp‑tactical specialist flung himself into a ferocious flying armbar, proudly proclaiming he was powered entirely by shear panic’, or ‘The spaz powered toreando pass specialist flung a ferocious flying triangle while proudly screaming that pressure‑passing is just socially acceptable panic’.
In other news, Santa broke the ‘Polish wrist locker’ Barts’ shark tank record in preparation for his upcoming competition, well done, that’s one way of cutting weight.
Matti & Dom entered the first comp of the year, gaining bronze and silver respectively. Dom was a little shocked at the aggressiveness and thinks we’re all too soft on him in class rolls, actually saying we’re all ‘soft shites’, so we all know what to do. With more comps coming up shortly for Dungeon Consett competitors, Bart says ‘no mercy’ for any of them in any roll, especially as he’s not competing.
As usual, no animals were hurt in the writing of this newsletter. Thank you all for your continued and ongoing support
See you on the mats, unless your names Gary
OOOOOOOOSSSSSSS
In case you missed any previous newsletters see following links:
https://thedungeonbjjconsett.com/newsletter
https://thedungeonbjjconsett.com/november